Does Your Family Say I Love You? Storge Love

Big Idea: The Ancient Greek word for family love, storge, describes the natural affection, usually mutual, in family-like close relationships.

Does YOUR family say "I love you" ?

“I love you more than you love me.”

"Na, uh…,” said my mother-in-law, weakly wagging her finger, “I love YOU more than you love me!” We all had tears in our eyes.

This was her last conversation with her grand-daughter before she died. It was a little game they had played for decades.

Four Types of Love (in review)

We can learn from four Ancient Greek words that portray different types of love.

Phileo: camaraderie, friendly

Eros: passionate, sensual

Storge: affectionate, familial

Agape: selfless, sacrificial

That comfortable natural love

Storge (pronounced STOR-gay): that natural, comfortable love between family members.

C.S.Lewis, a brilliant influential writer, published a book in 1960, “Four Types of Love.” He refers to storge love as a humble, comfortable type.

Affection almost slinks or seeps through our lives,” he says. “It lives with humble, un-dress, private things; soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog’s tail on the kitchen floor… (C.S. Lewis, The Four Types of Love, chapter 3)

Growing up, my family did not banter the words back and forth, “I love you.” Yet without a doubt I knew I was dearly loved.

But today I shower our kids with “I love you,” and they freely say it back. It is good to hear, even after a misunderstanding or a tough conversation.

Those kindred-spirit friends

I send video messages to a friend. This began when she first became a snowbird. We now do this quite often and have become very close.

Out of habit with my family, one day I closed our conversation blurting out “I love you” and now we say that every time. It’s a very comfortable relationship. I never worry if I have makeup on or if my hair is a little funny. It is a storge type of love.

Storge love in the Bible

The Greek word, Storge, doesn’t appear in the Greek New Testament.

However, two Bible verses (Romans 1:31, 2 Timothy 3:3) use the antonym (astorgos) to mean the opposite. It describes people who are heartless, hard-hearted and brutal.

Romans 12:10 uses it as a compound word with another Greek word for love, philos (philostorgos). It refers to a brotherly kind of love that should be cultivated between fellow Christ followers.

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:10 NLT

There are excellent familial examples in the Bible such as between the sisters Mary and Martha, Jesus and his mother, a close friendship like David and Jonathan, and so on.

Build bridges to strengthen storge love

Your family may not be close, but perhaps you can try to build bridges with humble kindness. You may have kindred relationships but haven’t reached out recently. Cultivate storge relationships in your life.

We all need a little storge love in our life.

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Up next: 5 Astonishing qualities of Agape Love
Previous post: Arrows of Love: Eros
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Reflect:

1. When you were a child growing up, did your family members say I love you to each other? Did you know they loved each other? How did this effect you for today?

2. Who is a good example to you of storge love? It might be a friend, someone you know, someone in the Bible…

3. How can you cultivate storge love if you don’t have much of it in your life?